Klutzy Cupid
He's the fat little baby with wings and a bow and arrow. You see his picture every Valentines Day on cards, posters, and chocolate boxes.
But, that's no baby, he's an ancient god the Romans called Cupid and Greeks called Eros - as in "erotic." in other words, the flying fat-boy is the ancient god of Whoopee.
Mister Whoopee's job was to make sure humans, creatures, and even plants Did The Deed so that life could go on.
But Cupid bungled his biggest assignment, and his MOM was the client. Considering his mom was Venus, goddess of beauty and love, this was a bad move. Venus is not somebody you want a bad business (or any other) relationship with.
Venus was jealous of a mortal hottie named Psyche. "Psyche" means "soul," by the way - this story gets Deep. The goddess sent her son Cupid to sneak into Psyche's bedroom and, um . . . prick her!
No, no! Not like that! Prick her with an ARROW! Cupid had magic golden arrows that - you know this part - make people fall in love with the next person they see.
The PLAN was for Cupid to prick Psyche with his magic arrow. The PLAN was that Venus would make sure that the first person Psyche saw when she awoke was an ugly monster.
What was NOT in the plan was that Cupid, Venus' son, was a KLUTZ! He snuck in, accidentally stuck himself with the arrow , glanced down at Psyche . . . and cue the hearts and flowers music!
"Uh, mom? I had, like, a little problem?"
"WHAT?"
"Like, you know that arrow?"
"The golden magic arrow? The one you were to prick Psyche with?"
"Yeah, yeah! Uh, . . . I kinda, like, just grazed . . . myself. With it.
"WHAT?"
"It's ok, it's just a scratch? But, you know, then I, like, looked at Psyche? And, . . . um?"
"BY THE GODS! Can't you do ANYTHING right! You're worse than your father! [Mars - but that's another story]
Personally, I feel bad for the ugly monster. He's standing there in his best suit, a box of chocolates in his paw, expecting the hottest babe on the Mediterranean to rock his world, but the only rock he gets is the slimy one Venus flings him under as she storms out of the meeting with Cupid.
These days, Cupid gets depicted as a baby, but he was definitely a teenager at the time. Isn't it just like a teenager to be so klutzy?
Consider his thought process - you can tell his cerebral cortex was still mushy. He decided to woo Psyche, whom he was now head over wings for, by talking to her from the shadows and from behind walls. Is that fuzzy-headed, self-loathing teen-angst, or what?
A fuzzy-headed teen herself, Psyche decides that his invitation to live together in a castle where they will only meet in the dark seems like a good idea. Bliss is short-lived. Psyche's jealous sister suggests her mystery lover is hideous. Psyche wants to know, so she sneaks up on Cupid for a peek while he is sleeping.
When she sees him, thinking "Oh - the - gods, he is, like, SO hot!" he wakes up. But, does he say "Helloo, bay-bee!'" - which seems like the sort of response you'd expect from the God of Whoopee? No, he kicks her out of the castle! Teenagers!
She goes to Cupid's mother and begs her to help get Cupid back. Venus, the woman who wanted to hook Psyche up with an ugly monster, says, "Surrrrre . . . after you run some errands for me. Muwhahahaha!"
The errands are impossible - such as fetching a cup of water from a spring inaccessible to humans and guarded by giant serpents. But various gods and spirits help her out. She and Cupid get married and Psyche gets immortality. Imagine how happy that makes mother-in-law Venus! Stressed-out family holidays - for eternity!
Other than that, they end up happy-ever-after! It's a perfectly romantic story for Valentines Day, especially because of the Deep message - the soul is more attractive than beauty.
Friday, February 15, 2013 at 11:51AM 
